Every mother wishes the best for their child. From the moment you find out you are pregnant, to the day you are delivering your baby in the hospital. You dream of a good life for your baby. Alongside your partner the pair of you chose a name for your baby, while you imagine all the greatness and hope this new life will achieve. For my baby, I chose Elliot. I remember how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant with a little boy. My family and friends helped me decorate a nursery, my Elliot was so loved before he even entered the world. I dreamed of what he would be like, who he would become, and the overwhelming amount of love I was prepared to give to him. At the time I did not realize that I would have to be an advocate for my son, I would have to fight for him to have the same opportunities as others. I did not realize the role I would take on as Elliot’s mom. It has not been an easy road, but I have been proud to stand up for children like Elliot and hopefully make a difference.

When Elliot made his appearance in the world I was overcome with emotion. A beautiful baby boy. As he began to grow there were some signs that began to worry me. Elliot was delayed in some social situations, as well as not talking when he should have been. I dreaded taking him to the doctor. I did not want to admit and come to terms with something could be wrong with my sweet boy. With encouragement from my loved ones, I made an appointment with a doctor to have him evaluated. At the age of two my son was diagnosed with Autism. For a while I blamed myself, did I do something wrong? Was I not healthy enough while I was pregnant? Could this

have been prevented? With the help of therapist and support groups I soon came to understand that this was not anyone’s wrongdoing. I spent countless nights researching Autism, watching videos, books, reading articles. I wanted to be the best mom to Elliot I could be, and I wanted him to have the best life he possibly could despite his diagnosis.

Autism is a developmental disorder that usually effects behavior and the way a person interacts with others. It presents itself differently in every person with no two people being the same, although they may have similar symptoms. It took me a while to come to terms with my son’s diagnosis. So much that I put off pursing help for quite some time even though Elliot was showing signs of delay. I remember making excuses that it was because he was a boy and “boys usually start to talk later than girls”. Or that Elliot was just shy. Sometimes I would feel guilt, knowing I should bring it up to his doctor, have the exam done and testing he needed. But I was simply in denial. The diagnosis like a dark cloud over my head that I kept trying to push away. Eventually with some support from my family and friends I decided it was unfair to Elliot to not have the help he deserved because of my hesitation. For the days following the confirmation of his diagnosis I kept to myself. I was sad, for myself, for my son and scared for the challenges that we would have to face. I began to research online and collect as much information I could.

Some days I still feel the tinge of guilt that I put off helping Elliot sooner, once we received the official confirmation, I vowed that I would never hold back or hesitate when it came to my sons needs again. It was not an easy feat to come to terms with the difficulty of raising a child with autism. Elliot needs special equipment and toys; we use a chewing tube for sensory help. Some days he screams to the top of his lungs and there is no consoling him for what seems like an eternity. Feeling like I do not know how to communicate properly with my child pains me

and it still to this day is hard, I question myself as a mom if I am doing enough if I am fulfilling his needs the best I can. But there are lights in the dark, when he smiles and laughs, when he says “mom”. These small victories reassure me and remind me that there is a bigger picture here than just my own ego and self-doubt.

When it came time for Elliot to enroll in school, I became aware of the issues and obstacles we would together face. The school system is overwhelmed and there are not enough paraprofessionals for every student that may need one. I would make phone call after phone call reaching out to the school board, the department of education, and anyone I could get to listen to my plea. I would argue with the head of the special needs department and tell her “well if you paid more than 13 an hour more people would accept the job “. I was so sick and tired of hearing from Sandra ford the head of the special needs department that ” simply we struggle to find paraprofessionals”. I could feel my blood rising and I knew I was being rude but I just simply didn’t care because I continued to feel ignored. These students needed support in the classroom, they deserved a life as normal as any other. I had just start to become used to having a special needs son and making life comfortable for him at home, but school opened a new battle to fight. I felt as if I was a warrior for Elliot. I hope that he could sense that my efforts are always out of love. I struggle to get the services he needs not only for Elliot, but maybe for a child in the future that may be like Elliot and now have new opportunities for their education without the fight.

I knew at two that having a son with special needs would be a lifelong challenge for us. Everyday tasks must be done in a meticulous way to keep the day on track for not only myself, but with Elliot as well. Some days are easier than others of course, and not every day is an uphill battle and I take comfort in those “easy” days. Small achievements are treated as if we climbed

mountains to give us both a burst of positivity rather than drown in the uncertainty or negative side of his diagnosis. It wears on me as a mom to sometimes must fight so hard to get the bare minimum for my son, but I take the job on headfirst and do so with pride. I want to make a difference that lasts long after Elliot is out of the school system, and maybe even far after I am gone. I come together with other moms who face similar troubles with their children and the level of education that they receive, we talk and have a small group that gets together to see what our next step is. It feels good to have a support system I can fall back on in times of weakness, for a while before I met these other moms I felt alone in the fight for Elliot.

While every mom hopes and dreams their baby will be perfect, I think what every mom does not realize that your baby is perfect no matter what you get. While I would not have chosen a life of struggle for my son, I understand that I am his mom for this reason because I am strong enough to put up this fight for him. While our days are not what I initially imagined while rubbing my pregnant belly they are still good days. We still laugh, share love, and are a family albeit different than others. This is what makes being a mom precious each of our stories our different but the unconditional love we feel for out children are the same. I will continue to stand up for Elliot’s rights for as long as I am here, and I will continue to be a strong advocate for children with Autism and other special needs. I know that my efforts will not go unnoticed and that having a son with special needs has brought a purpose to my life that I did not know I had in me.